Thursday, July 29, 2004
Shit. Due to a family tragedy, this blog is on hiatus until further notice. Thank you.
posted by media_dystopia @ 01:45 [ link | top | home ]
Sunday, July 25, 2004
Whereas I don't have time for misplaced apostrophes. Tell me that bench advertising in Toronto didn't read, "You alway's have time for Tim Hortons." Oh, sorry, I forgot to mention that I've been in the GTA for the past week and a bit. Once again, my time there reminded me how desperate I am for an Ottawa version of 102.1 The Edge. (You hear that, Corus? Are you listening, CRTC?) I was also introduced to the fine women of Whiskey a GoGo. I must be used to the strip clubs across the river because one of the things that struck me about the Toronto-area establishment was its smoke-free environment and air conditioning. (What can I say, it was a nice change of pace.) And, of course, you can't talk about a trip down the 401 without mentioning the idiots who drive it. Don't you morons know what "slower traffic keep right" means? Sheesh.
posted by media_dystopia @ 03:10 [ link | top | home ]
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
A source of joy, indeed. With or without the "é" and "è" in her name, An American in Canada's Australian in Canada, Helene Joy, is gorgeous. (Man, that CBC photo makes me weak in the knees; now that, Lindsay Lohan, is how you tan well.)
posted by media_dystopia @ 02:17 [ link | top | home ]
Friday, July 09, 2004
Her name is Jennifer Baxter. It took me a few months to figure that out; not having seen Canadian productions like The Bobroom, Drop The Beat, Love, Sex and Eating the Bones, or, most recently, Listen Missy, W Network's all-woman sketch comedy, all I had to go by was the Vancouver-born actress' guest appearance on This is Wonderland earlier this year.
That and the statuesque blonde's eye-catching -- and seemingly ubiquitous -- commercial work: training a cat to acrobatically jump to the second floor to catch Whiskas Temptations treats; helping herself to an entire package of Peek Freans much to the astonishment of her haughty host; popping her teeth out -- and popping the word "handy" into every lascivious man's brain -- while her Claritin-less date sneezes; being the Westjet woman's fair-haired and saccharine Mosaik MasterCard-Air Miles-flogging counterpart; walking off with some poor sod's Rolo chocolate cone...
Her commercials are common and she's beautiful -- no wonder I've been trying to find out who she is. Not that searching the Internet for advertising references and agency headshots got me anywhere, mind you. It was only when The Comedy Network started running ads for The Bobroom recently that I could put a name to the face; that bit of recognition, in turn, led to this bit of boosterism.
Follow-up: Screw the commercials -- I'll take her brief, yet revealing, appearance on the second-season premiere of This is Wonderland. That low-cut wedding dress was...wow.
Follow-up: She's making the rounds of the CBC these days, what with her brief appearance as ditzy, but beautiful, fill-in anchor Kelly Harold on the third-season premiere of Ken Finkleman's The Newsroom. (Talk about a Valentine's Day treat!) Story-wise, I agree with George Findlay and the rest of male staff that "the one with the great...integrity," as Karen put it while cupping imaginary breasts, was not showing too much cleavage on the air.
posted by media_dystopia @ 05:22 [ link | top | home ]
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
Closure? Ask the families. On the one hand, there are the eloquent and scathing -- and much-appreciated -- words of Lt. Gen. Bruce Carlson, Commander, Eighth Air Force: "...You acted shamefully on 17 April 2002 over Tarnak Farms, Afghanistan, exhibiting arrogance and a lack of flight discipline...." On the other hand, there's Maj. Harry Schmidt's so-called "punishment": a reprimand and a fine -- a US$1,418-per-dead-Canadian-soldier slap on the wrist. Being found guilty and having his wings clipped as well are cold comfort to those hurt by his careless actions, but at least he won't be able to bomb anyone else. Perhaps Canada can also find solace in the fact that the verdict rated a Yahoo! news bullet (no pun intended) for a short while today.
Follow-up: And, of course, he's appealing the verdict. (If he's slapped on the wrist for anything, it should be for that.)
Follow-up: And, of course, he's suing the U.S. air force. (Is it possible for Canadians to lose any more respect for this guy?)
posted by media_dystopia @ 22:11 [ link | top | home ]
See Dune. See Dune done. Done, Dune, done. Twenty years after the much-maligned David Lynch movie and four years after the respected John Harrison miniseries, I finally read Frank Herbert's Dune. Not surprisingly, the competing celluloid visions tainted my reading of the book; nevertheless, I enjoyed it. At some point, I may even read the rest of the Dune novels. For now, though, I'm happy to have crossed the original classic off my to-do list and eliminated half of the literati's harassment; however, given that I still love Lynch's movie -- one of my favorites for many years, in fact -- I'll have to keep putting up with the other half. Sheesh.
posted by media_dystopia @ 11:35 [ link | top | home ]
Monday, July 05, 2004
"It was a dark and stormy night...." The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest does what no guide to the English language can: scares writers shitless, myself included. Perhaps I'm being overly critical, paranoid even, in saying this, but my writing style is often reflected in the winning entries. The fact is, over time, blogging has reinforced my natural tendency towards Lyttonian (Bulwerian?) sentences -- away from staccato ones -- and allowed verbose prolixity to insidiously creep into my sentence structure. The greatest irony of my online writing is that the pithier my posts, the longer my sentences. In defense of my between-period wordiness, though, I do have the comma, semicolon, and dash at my disposal. (When all else fails, blame the punctuation.)
posted by media_dystopia @ 05:18 [ link | top | home ]
The TARDIS is stuck in a 1982-1984 time loop. Don't get me wrong, I love watching Doctor Who on BBC Kids; it's just that the network has been on a Peter Davison kick for an inordinate amount of time -- several months, but it feels longer -- and it's driving me up the wall. Nothing makes me change the channel faster than seeing the episode title and saying, "What? Again? I just saw it!" These oft-repeated repeats are made all the more tedious by the fact that I consider Davison's two-year stint as the Doctor mediocre at best, especially compared to his predecessor's. So, please, for the love of Gallifrey, either move forward to Colin Baker, or go back to Tom Baker -- you folks at BBC Kids have been ping-ponging between Davison's two regeneration scenes for far too long.
Follow-up: To say that my complaint was eerily timed would be an understatement: 24 hours later, before I could even edit and publish this post, the network went back to Tom Baker, airing "Robot," his inaugural episode (which opened with Jon Pertwee's second and final regeneration scene). Whatever Whovian synchronicity is at work here, I'm grateful for it.
posted by media_dystopia @ 01:32 [ link | top | home ]
Friday, July 02, 2004
I'm in love. Maria Sharapova is bloody hot -- and I don't just mean her tennis game. A couple of her features, in particular, have me totally captivated. Relax, I know she's a minor. Besides, doesn't her playing in tomorrow's Wimbledon final and being a part-time model allow me to ogle? I'm permitted to gawk, aren't I? Can I gape, at least? Oh, come on, it's not like I'm watching her matches with a hard-on! I don't make it a habit of tossing off to 17-year-old Russian tennis players, you know. Sheesh. Screw you, I'm going to stare at them anyway -- I don't care what you think. You know, I would have thought that you ladies, especially, would be impressed that a guy could be wooed by an exquisite jawline and beautiful teeth like that (not that the rest of her face isn't stunning as well). Sorry, which of her features did you think I was talking about?
posted by media_dystopia @ 07:10 [ link | top | home ]
Thursday, July 01, 2004
Happy 137th, Canada! Have a great Canada Day, everyone!
To those Canadians who are working today, myself included, I raise the oh-so-Canuck double-double in your honor; specifically, the one belonging to the bewildered guy next to me in line at Tim Hortons -- I'm getting an Iced Cappuccino (made with chocolate milk) instead. To those who have the day off, I offer a sidelong glance at The Beer Store on my way to work, and my hope that you'll be enjoying a fine Canadian lager or ale instead of Colorado Kool-Aid or some other bland shite conjured up south of the border. And if you're a separatist, I have for you an upturned middle finger, a hearty "fuck you," and an inexhaustible supply of contempt. If you pricks can't see, on this of all days, how much of a good thing you have in Canada, then you're as ignorant as you are stupid. If all goes well, today's red and white motif and omnipresent Maple Leaf will send you into conniptions. (Oh, and take your talk of "oppression" -- worse, "occupation" -- and shove it up your sovereigntist ass.)
Speaking of the U.S. and ignorance, I'd like to give a shout out to the folks at The Bob & Tom Show, who, apparently, aren't aware that it's Canada Day and that their syndicated radio program is broadcast into Canada. For the record: yes, we use fireworks; yes, you can get hamburgers here; no, you don't have to speak French -- unless, of course, you're planning to work for the federal government or read the stop signs in Quebec. I'd like to thank you guys, as well as your "Ottawa" affiliate, 101.5 The Fox, for reminding us on our special day how little you Americans know about Canada and Canadians. I'm not trying to be impolite, here; I'm just saying that if you're going to talk about people within earshot of them, you might want to get your facts straight -- or have some facts in the first place. (The World Factbook, compiled by your own Central Intelligence Agency, would be a good place to start.)
So, what am I going to do on Canada Day, besides work? Sneer at separatists and roll my eyes at (certain) Americans, of course! I am a patriot, after all.
Follow-up: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to suggest that the folks at The Bob & Tom Show are ignorant when it comes to Canada -- I meant to say that they're ignorant, and suggest that they're rude and insulting, when it comes to Canada. My bad. (Oh, and I am trying to be impolite, here.)
posted by media_dystopia @ 06:51 [ link | top | home ]